Submissive passion

A friend travelled a long way to be with Me. I had two days off in a business trip, and he wanted to spend them with Me, on the off-chance that I'd want to Dominate him. he was prepared for disappointment - well, actually, he wasn't, as he's a nice guy and no matter what happened we'd have fun, be in an interesting place, have some great food and wine and enjoy the trip by being submissive and Dominant and open about it, even if not in an actual active relationship. There is something incredibly satisfying in just being allowed to be all you are, you know.

But anyway, he was there, having crossed half a continent for two days with Me, and yes, I did feel the pressure. I felt I had to at least try. Ow, that sounds bad. No, I wasn't planning a pity-fuck or anything like that, but there we were, Domme and sub, Female and male, time at our hands, toys discreetely in the suitcases, wine, food, sunlight, romantic setting. It just might really work, you know? So I tried. I ordered him around, and had some fun with that. I tied him down, and yes, I really enjoyed that. I made him squirm and beg and he was rock hard for Me, while in pain, something he had never thought could happen. I am a damned good Dominant, if I want them hard, that's what I get. *cough*

The next day I dropped like a stone. he was there, politely present, doing everything he could to be good, not pushing for a second scene, a great guy, a great friend. And I just wanted to go and hide, to spend the rest of the time there eating chocolate and crying. Well, I didn't. I got up, we went sight-seeing, we took pictures, we explored and laughed and had more of the wine and food. I could just as well have a good time while I was dropping.

Now he worships Me. he sends Me emails where he exposes himself totally, makes himself not just physically but also emotionally painfully vulnerable. I still think he's a wonderful person, but, but - I just don't get that intense tingling sensation. I don't want to OWN him. I want to give him confidence and see him go on to some other Domina, I want to let him experience some of the things he so intensely needs so he can relax and start looking for a person, not the acts. Now he wants a person. he wants Me.

I try to be extremely careful and honest with submissives, male or female, that I play with. I am friendly and like playing, but emotionally I am not all that available. Falling in love with Me is a bad idea. However, many of the men (this is mostly men) who think they do are more in love with themselves, and the way they feel I reflect everything they desire. No matter how much they fetishise My desire for them, what they feel such intense passion about is the Dominant Woman who is but a part of Me, one they barely know. Since they have seen the Domme only in specific settings, She can be anything. They fall in love not with Me, but the potential I represent.

Yes, it's extremely satisfying for My ego, particularly in times of not too much D/s activity and too much work, to be told I am The Most Amazing Person ever. But it's painful to know I have to turn down a wonderful person who would be sleeping on My doorstep tomorrow if I permitted it. Equally painful: to know that the person sleeping on My doorstep would actually be sleeping on his own, hypothetical doorstep, the door into the Domme of his fantasies and fiction. Only very rarely would I be the woman he expected to find behind that door.

The passion of male submissives, the unconditional worship and the eager surrender is concerned with what I represent, not Me. I can take being a symbol of absolute Dominance while I wear the leathers and hold the whip. But the day after I will drop. And then I don't need just a friend, I need the one who can hold Me and make Me believe I am desired, respected and admired even when I let the guard down. submissive passion rarely has room for that.